My Twitter Cull

Realising that I followed over 1,000 people on Twitter, a spring clean was certainly in order; but who would stay and who would go?  Here are the fifteen Twerps who didn’t make the cut:

First on my hit list was the high-brow publication that I like to pretend I read.  I’ve never fully understood anything they’ve tweeted enough to RT.  Sorry, Mother Jones – unfollow.

The better looking, smarter version of myself whose feed I hate-read, even though her existence entertained me on a few lonely Saturday nights. #JokingNotJoking

That person I went on those few dates with but it fizzled out (although I’m totally going to come across as the psycho-unfollow-type.)

My good friend that has fourteen followers and last tweeted in August, 2012.  Before I unfollow them, I send them a friendly nudge “Tweet or die #loser”.

The egghead.  The person with no profile picture who may be a virus.  I must have been in a vulnerable place.  So long.

Amanda Bynes.  That was way too weird for way too long.

That guy who is ridiculously good looking.  Decide that no amount of shirtless pictures will dilute the use of his favourite #NoHomo tag.  I’m too old for this.  Laters brah.

That stranger who asked me if I had Snapchat.

The dude in the shiny suit that is a #EndeavourSpecialist.  I’m jumping ship.  Sorry.

The 18-year-old that has more followers than me.  Anything that makes you feel pathetically jealous and borderline stranger danger cannot be good for you.

That Major League baseballer that I was planning to marry.

The person who followed me from the beginning.  We have never communicated and although loyalty should be rewarded, he gone.   Gimme a break; we all know Twitter is a numbers game.

The trash talking Yank who says the word vagina more than my Gyno.  Again, the question of how I’ll spend my Saturday night arises.

The local burrito shop.  Three words: summer, white pants.

My favourite 90’s band that don’t follow me back, and after the level of parental manipulation that went on in my house to follow their band.  In the words of Everclear: “You make me feel like a whore”.  Goodbye.

Follow @missannajames and she’ll follow you back, that is, until her next article.