Top Five things you don’t want to see on Facebook
Since writing the Phony Facebooking article I have been bombarded with specific examples of what people really don’t want you to share on Facebook. Whilst I’ve already covered Directed Posts, passive aggressive statuses and inappropriate over-sharing.
Here are the Top Five social-networking behaviours that make you wish there was a ‘Dislike’ button.
1. Muscle cars as profile pictures. If your DP is a flame-detailed Toyota, when accepting your friend request, I will be as slow as your car is fast.
2. Legs-in-front-of-the-ocean holiday snaps. We get it, you’re on holidays and I’m at my boring desk at my boring job, living my boring life. This seems to annoy men in particular – FYI girls -everyone’s legs look great at that angle! New Trend Alert: just feet.
3. Food photos. Nobody cares. And if we follow that logic then taking a picture of the toilet bowl every time you visit the bathroom would be acceptable. Awesome lamb curry – really? Haven’t seen that before.
4. An album full of photos of one’s boyfriend/children/pets. I am happy for you, but they would have to be really, really REALLY cute for this type of over-sharing to become tolerable.
5. Phone self-portraits. All this photo tells me is that you are alone, in your bathroom, pouting for Facebook. Enough said. Get an equally vain friend and take snaps of each other!
Now, before I lose all my virtual buddies, I’ll share with you my Top Five things I like to see on Facebook:
1. A good song. I always appreciate a golden oldie that a friend has unearthed from You Tube and posted on my wall. Bomfunk MC’s ‘Freestyler’ springs to mind.
2. Injury shots. No blood please, but an ankle the size of a watermelon is always worth a geeze. Also under ‘injury’ are ‘accidents’ – tattoos that have been misspell always deserve a tag.
3. Relationship status changes. The doe-eyed couple pictures that appear in my news feed when two of my friends announce to the world that they are “In a relationship” really makes me smile; for a brief moment until their status starts bouncing around, annoying everyone.
4. High school photos. Whoever took the time to find them, dust them off, scan them and post for everyone to enjoy, laugh and cringe at, deserves a medal.
5. Photos of amusing strangers in public. My current favourite is of a 40-year-old woman sporting a mullet in Mambo overalls. Cigarette in mouth, Passiona in hand. Gold.
In Social Media, share with us what really assaults/indulges your senses. Comment below –