Five Types of New Generation Twitter Followers – Which One Are You?
The Helpful Twerp
These people are why you consult Twitter before making those important daily decisions (Subway: turkey or ham?). It’s as though the Helpful Twerps are permanently on standby to give you the reassurance you need “#TeamTurkey!!!”, even though it’s 4am in their country. Helpful Twerps also have an encyclopaedic knowledge of all things useful like salon directions, pizza reviews, and the name of that camp guy who narrates the Honey Badger You Tube clip.
Typical following: 494 following/175 followers. (Nice guys actually finish last)
The Guy With The Aeroplane Symbol In His Name Twerp
This guy sells beats and is a freelance DJ/tattoo artist/fashion photographer exclusively tweets pictures of his abs and Drake lyrics. The Aeroplane guy probably doesn’t travel all that much but is obsessed with telling people he is #WorldwideBitches. He’ll inbox you his mixtape but if you have any questions, he’ll be too busy YOLO-ing all over the place to reply. You don’t really know why you follow this #SelfMayde douche, except for his admirable snapback collection.
Typical following: 5390 following/5299 followers. (He must have an intern or something)
The Hot Twerp
Every now and then I cross a good-looking person on Twitter and follow them for no other reason is that they’re banging. They could be a Taxidermist from Wichita. Don’t care. They may tweet inspirational poems super imposed on dolphin placemats. I’m not going anywhere, hotstuff. Basically, we (including women – gasp!) are allowed to follow a few people based solely on their looks because it’s really nice to have attractive people around. Case closed.
Typical following: 206 following/36 followers. (He actually is a Taxidermist from Kansas)
The Twin Twerp
They live across the world from you but you’re convinced they’re your cyber twin – or you in a parallel universe (depending on how warped you are). You agree on everything from music to sporting teams to your future husband- Ryan Gosling, acknowledging Tom Brady was your first preference. Even though you’ve never met this person you feel compelled to send them every funny meme you get, or that song you dig because they JUST GET YOU.
Typical following: 593 following/509 followers. (And they don’t follow you back. I kid, I kid)
The Comic Twerp
This guy probably writes manuals for Xerox during the day, but at night he turns it to a Twitter superstar! During his boring day job, the Comic Twerp comes up with hilarious one-liners that typically are centred on his wife deflecting his advances or poo. Every night he comes home he releases a fury of 140 character gags and his Twitter audience goes nuts and Retweets and Favourites them several times over. He’s constantly thanking people for Trophies from FavStar.
Typical following: 101 following/9423 followers. (Although he might never get a live audience)
Is this the new generation of Twitter followers we are interacting with? Which one are you? Do we need to add any to the list?