How to avoid being a twit on Twitter

One week in and only 43 followers under my belt I am by no means an expert but I’m learning the ropes fast.  It is probably the last thing I need: a new Social Media account.  After months of resisting I’ve finally joined Twitter and I’m not flying the coop anytime soon.

With a Facebook page, LinkedIn account, a blog, Hotmail, two work email accounts and a website on the way, I dip my hand in to the Social Media cookie jar quite frequently and lately I’ve been feeling really full.

A few clicks last week and presto, I have a Twitter account which is now my favourite online soapbox.  The perks I can identify so far are:

It’s easy – it’s engineered for people on the go, like myself, or if you are just incredibly lazy, a 140 character Tweet can prove surprisingly sufficient to communicate what you need to.  If you’re a Twitter fiend, this article probably is the longest thing you have read online in some time.

It’s direct – If you are interested in what they have to say, follow them.  There is no obligatory adding your next door neighbour, then his brother and eventually their dog, just to follow social media etiquette as the expectation is with Facebook.

It’s quick – from my front door to the bus stop this morning I was informed that the Australian Army has a new website, that  Chinese women demand more public toilets and last night’s Biggest Loser episode ‘officially entered the so bad, its good territory’.  Receiving this frequency of information, I finally understand the choice of the chirping bird logo.

During this week I’ve neglected my Facebook, my page has been calling out to me like a needy little sister; in comparison to Twitter, it seems juvenile and high maintenance.  A quick glance at my News Feed and I wish I could prescribe a Twitter account to some Facebookers who update it seems, twice a minute.

I’ve quickly learnt the pitfalls of Twitter – falling in to overhashtagging: “#AnnaJames #LuckyMe #DrinkingCaramelLatte #WishItWasWinter #OMG”.  That was as painful to write as it is to read.

Resisting the urge to add a bunch of celebrities -  Khloe Kardashian, I’m sure is lovely but will likely treat you to a hashtag binge like the aforementioned.  Unless they are Gillard, they will never follow you back.

Avoid looking up your own hashtag at all costs, I’ve been misquoted by a transvestite from Nashville “my body shows my dedication to taco bell” #annajames.  For a moment there, the Deactivate button was looking pretty tempting.

Don’t believe all the chirping – as Miley Cyrus commented yesterday “Twitter has killed more people than Hitler” about Rowan Atkinson’s fake death, which had me reaching for the tissuebox.

Don’t get discouraged in the early days, you’ll soon discover that you have to earn each and every follower and it’s a cutthroat social media world out there.  One in four of my followers are either trying to sell me a car or a Russian bride but I’m keeping them for now, at this stage I need all the attention I can get.

If statistics are anything to go by, The Pope (@Pope2YouVatican) has a measly 20k following compared to Jersey Shore’s @Snooki’s army of disciples are over 4 million strong.  @CharlieSheen’s ‘Winning’ words of Twitter wisdom are received by a larger audience than the Dali Lama – which really isn’t a fair race, everybody knows monks don’t have computers.  Online Twitter popularity is not a reflection of real life credibility and it’s a theory I’m sticking to for now, having secured less than 50 fans of my own.

Given how user friendly Twitter is, if you have the spare time, or none at all, open a Twitter account – what’s one more?  Don’t forget to look me up, at this rate, I’ll definitely follow you back.