Phony Facebooking: we’re all guilty
It scares me. As a journo, I find, the best place to source information is on Facebook. Even if I’m interviewing an Olympic athlete, first I’ll ‘Fresearch’. Where else will you find out how much they loathe Nickelback or think Shane Warne should be PM.
These are some of the better admissions I’ve come across. Some things your 478 nearest and dearest FB buddies don’t need to see. Tagging yourself at Centrelink or a strip club for example, however ironic you intended at the time, is always a resounding no.
Baby photos taken while still gooey from the womb should be restricted – wait until the epidural wears off before you make that call. Remembering, you’re not only invading your own (and your new spawn’s), but your ”friends” private space.
If you are bouncing between ‘in a relationship’ to ‘complicated’ and all spectrums of the relationship status in just one month – time to remove this info option all together. The comments – ‘Thank god!’ from his mum and sister, only for you to return to ‘In a Relationship’ a week later, means you have to contend with a very awkward Easter. We don’t all need to go on this journey with you.
Admittedly, the reason I can identify these, is that I have committed my fair share Facebook Overshare crimes myself. In real life, we can open our mouths a little too wide and online, we treat our page like a 24 hour open mic me show. Only, it’s documented.
Some Facebookers use this stage to manipulate the information posted about themselves to their advantage, Fraudulent Facebooking.
There’s the ‘Phantom Check In‘ – tagging yourself somewhere you’re not, usually to avoid getting out of a social engagement. “I can’t make it to your birthday, sorry, have a charity event” and you tag yourself at the hospital. You were actually at a strip club (where, stupidly, you also tagged yourself) and ended up seeking medical advice after falling off a chair, trying to do the running man.
“I hooked up with this chick last night, big regrets” Stranger 1 grumbles on the train. ”God mate, Laura won’t find out – wait, does Facebook enter this?” concerned Stranger 2 replies. ”Yeah, Billy took a few pics last night, don’t want to untag - that’d be rude”.
Stranger 2 contemplates for a moment “I’ve got it! Get auto notifications on your iPhone, if someone makes a comment, you’ll know straight away and can delete it. Your missus won’t find out”.
One of the most genius phony social media moments I’ve witnessed, is the turning off the ‘location’ before posting a photo. The offender was in bed when she discovered some really hot photos of hertaken at the club she was at just an hour before and couldn’t let it go.
A common example of Phony Facebooking is ‘The Directed Post‘ - four days after I’d ended a thing with a guy, he let cyberspace know he was very busy “smashing beers and chasing tail”. Couldn’t help but think this statement was meant just for me. His mates liked it.
lamebook.com acknowledges the Phony Facebooking phenomenon with a solid catalogue of passive-aggressive statuses and a ‘Winning at everything!” domain, a tribute to post-breakup Facebook ”I’m OK and loving life!” bombing, supported by a flurry of party pictures.
Better run, I’m in Paris as I write this, having the time of my life. No, not really, I can’t find a tag to substantiate that. Besides, I can’t post any pictures, with my location turned off.